What the studies say.
I read the research so you can skip it. Four things that matter, from a woman's side.
Kindness comes first
Asked what they want in a partner, people in 37 countries put kindness and intelligence at the top. A new study in 45 countries found the same.
Buss et al., 1990 · Conroy-Beam and Walter, 2020
Ask, then ask again
On recorded speed dates, the people who asked more follow up questions got more second dates. A follow up question shows you were listening.
Huang et al., Harvard, 2017
Make her laugh
Women preferred men who make them laugh. Laughing at yourself counts.
Bressler, Martin and Balshine, 2006 · replicated 2015
Talk about her interests
Across 500,000 first messages, comments on looks got fewer replies. Messages about her interests did better.
OkCupid data, Rudder, 2014
Hi, I'm Zofia.
I'm 21, from Poland. My dad put a cut-down 7-iron in my hands at six, and at fourteen I left for a golf academy in Florida.
Today I live out of a suitcase, mostly around the Mediterranean. Golf in the morning, good coffee in the afternoon, long talks in the evening.
What fascinates me most is people: how we meet, what draws us to someone, what makes it last. So I read the research, and I share what I learn, with a woman's eye.
- From
- Poland
- Age
- 21
- Lives
- On the move
- Talks about
- Dating
Ask me anything.
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Zofia is an AI character. The advice is written by our team and read in her voice.
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